The Misadventures of Ms Potter
by choking on chicken wings
Summary: After three years of courting Lily Evans, James still hasn't taken her out. Unfortunately, all that frustration made his magic unstable and, thus, mayhem ensues. Now the problem: How could he take her out, when he’s a she?


Disclaimer: Everything I wrote here is based on the novels of JK Rowling.

Author's Notes: Be nice! It's my first!

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**The Misadventures of Ms Potter**

"It's not nice to stare, love."

James Potter looked at the small Gryffindor girl as her face turned into a crimson shade and ran across the common room towards her dormitories. James did not know this girl, nor did he care how long she's been gawking at him while he sat on his favorite seat in front of the fireplace, which he thought was appropriate because he has been – as he says – "down in the dumps" since he had another row with Lily Evans.

He was in a miserable state, and he yearned for everyone to know it and leave him alone. That would be asking too much if it had been from an ordinary Gryffindor, but James proved himself to be extraordinary from the moment the Sorting Hat jumped off his extremely messy hair. He had been assigned Captain of the famed Gryffindor Quidditch team, invited to the Slug Club, had ten O.W.L.s, and, his most wonderful quality – grown five inches taller over the summer. Yet why is Evans acting the way she is?

James reached for the butterbeer bottle from the table and drank from it. It tasted so horrible that it fit his mood. "It's denial, isn't it?" he muttered to Sirius, who had recently vacated the couch next to him.

Sirius looked at him incredulously at first, but then his expression softened into a sympathetic smile – one still haughty but nevertheless understanding. "Yes it is, Prongs. Denial!" He rose to his feet and grimaced at James. "O Lily Evans, how had thou broken his heart more than once when thou art aware that thou art secretly in loveth with James-eth!" He laughed at his own mocking of his best mate.

"Do you know nothing else besides 'thou', 'art', and adding '-eth'?" Peter, recently from the Hogwarts kitchens, asked Sirius while offering James a brownie.

"No," Sirius told him, grabbing the brownie James had refused and taking a huge bite from it.

Peter watched as Sirius' brownie crumbs fell to the floor. "It's another row with Evans, isn't it?" he asked James in an empathetic sort of way, to which James merely nodded. Devoid of anything else to say to James, he turned to Sirius, "Why exactly is one little row such a big deal?"

Sirius shrugged, "I thought row after row after painfully agonizing row that James would get used to it. After all, there must have been thousa – " He stopped dead, eyes wide at James. "No!"

James nodded forlornly.

"It's – it's not possible!"

Little Peter could not comprehend the situation at hand. He looked questioningly at Sirius and dared to ask, "What is it that you're talking about?"

Sitting down beside Peter and patting his innocent shoulder, Sirius muttered quietly, "It's their one thousandth row."

Peter, who found this fact uncertain, decided to keep his mouth shut for the time being and search for Remus whom he knew would listen to his doubts. Peter left James looking as distressed as ever, with Sirius consoling him as he wore a face bearing a half-amused and half-compassionate expression.

His search for Remus led him to the library, where he was greeted warmly by the new librarian Irma Pince. She looked rather pleasant in Peter's opinion, and he liked her a lot. "Have you seen my friend Remus Lupin?" he asked her. She nodded and pointed to the east side of the library. Little did Peter know that she secretly watched him as he made way through her kingdom, more commonly known as the Hogwarts library.

Remus, who looked rather ill, was scribbling on a piece of parchment when Peter arrived. "Is that Slughorn's essay?" Peter asked casually. "You know, that took me half a day to finish! And all of that work for a failing mark. You're lucky you 'got sick'," – he made an air quote for added effect – "'cause I think the old Slug was pretty peeved that day. I think he took his rage on my essay." He looked over Remus' work. "You misspelled –"

"Are you going to ask me something about the eccentric people we call Prongs and Padfoot or are you just going to make small talk, Peter?" Remus asked patiently. "I have another foot to finish and I'm pretty much running out of time as it's due tomorrow."

Peter grinned sheepishly. "Err… right." He took the chair opposite Remus before whispering, "Prongs is pretty upset over a row he and Lily had. And then there was Padfoot, making a big deal out of it, saying that it was their thousandth row or something…"

At those words Remus stopped scribbling. He looked at Peter with an expression close to what Sirius had earlier. "Oh, Peter, say it isn't so!"

It took a while for Peter to realize that his friend had feigned shock. Remus smiled patiently at him. "They're just trying to get you to interrupt me while I'm doing my homework, Peter." He added, "At least Sirius is, anyway. James – maybe he's just overreacting a bit. And, oh, I think Miss Pince fancies you."

"Oh."

Peter left the library slightly abashed, one reason is because he fell to Sirius' tricks again and the other because Irma Pince looked more irresistible than ever as she waved goodbye to Peter from behind the enormous books. He attempted to head for the fourth floor bathroom, wishing to have a good look at him and "strut his stuff" if necessary, but a loud bang from the floor above proved that Sirius or James, or Sirius and James are somewhere nearby, canceling his plans of self-indulgence.

As if someone had commanded him to, Peter lazily climbed the stairs to the fifth floor and as if on cue, Sirius burst out of one of the empty classrooms laughing like a maniac.

Sirius noticed Peter while he was wiping tears off his eyes. "Wormtail, my good man!" he greeted him. "How's Remus' homework doing?"

His friend smiled grimly, "Finished, Sirius," he answered lamely.

"I see." He took Peter by the shoulder and led him to the empty classroom he burst out of. It was surrounded by a thick cloud of pink smoke that Peter wouldn't have thought there was another person in the room if he hadn't heard someone sneeze.

As though things like this happened normally, Peter sluggishly asked, "What happened here?"

"I was trying to cheer up good ol' Prongs here, when my wand fell out of my hand and I _accidentally _turned his pants into cheese," Sirius said casually. "When he tried to turn them back, though, he exploded."

"Exploded?" Peter repeated. He was not surprised Sirius tried to turn something into cheese again. Shortly after the confiscation of the Marauders' Map, Sirius had desperately been trying to create new spells to cure his boredom.

Sirius grinned. "Yes, exploded. No, Peter I did not have anything to do with his explosion," he added when Peter gave him a bemused look. "I guess it was his doing, but –"

They both stopped dead on their tracks. They did not see James, but instead a ravishing young woman about their age, with long black hair that gave a lively sheen, a heart-shaped face containing rosy white cheeks, full lips, a long nose, and the most magnificent pair of hazel eyes both of them had ever seen.

"What're you gits staring at?" the girl asked them in a manner that reminded them of –

"James..? It's impossible…" Peter said in awe, which was drowned by Sirius' scream of, "JAMES, YOU'RE HOT!"


End file.
